Шахматные анекдоты

Один мужчина был азартным шахматистом, но, хотя играл он очень слабо, никогда не признавал себя побеждённым. Как-то, играя с известным шахматистом, он проиграл три партии подряд.
Какой-то шутник подошёл к нему и спросил:
— Ну что, приятель? Неужели снова проиграл?
— Первую партию мой партнер не проиграл, другую партию я у него не выиграл, а третью партию я хотел было свести к ничьей, но он не согласился.

***
Штирлиц почувствовал запах гари. И действительно, из-за угла вышел Каспаров.

***
Одного мастера спросили:
— Ну как, вы довольны своим зятем?
— Как сказать, ведь он совершенно не умеет играть в шахматы.
— И что же тут плохого?
— В том-то и беда, что играть не умеет, а всё время играет.

***
Папа спрашивает сына, а почему ты больше не играешь со своим другом в шахматы?
— А ты бы стал играть с человеком, который когда проигрывает начинает ругаться, бросать тебе в лицо фигуры, бить доской по голове?
— Конечно нет!
— Ну так вот он и не стал играть…

***
— Подсудимый, встаньте! За то, что вы обозвали соседку-шахматистку «бешеной» ладьёй, суд приговаривает вас к штрафу в 5000 долларов.
— Хотите что-нибудь добавить?
— Хочу, но при таких ценах…

***
Чтобы управлять людьми, нужна голова: для игры в шахматы мало одного добросердечия.

***
Малевич умер, так и не успев дорисовать шахматную доску…

***
— Почему бы вам не съесть белого коня? — спросили болельщики у юной шахматистки.
— А я фигуру берегу!

***
Абрам звонит домой:
— Сара, у меня партсобрание, буду утром.
Сара звонит Исааку:
— Исаак, приходи ко мне — Абраша дома не ночует.
Утром Сара выходит на балкон и видит: в окне дома напротив Абрам потягивается.
— Ты что там делаешь, Абраша?
— Не видишь, с Исааком в шахматы играю. Исаак, тебе шах!
Сара оборачивается:
— Исаак, Исаак, вставай, там тебе Абраша шах поставил!

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